Something I Can Never Have
by BrokenSouledPoetess
Summary: Sasuke thinks back on all that has happened since he left Konoha...and Naruto.


Jolting from his sleep, Sasuke looked around the darkness wildly until his mind cought up with the fact that he was still in the same place he had been for the last four years. As realization set in, he laid back down on his uncomfortable mattress and flipped to his side before curling into a ball. Images from his dream flashed across his eyes even though they were open and he tucked into himself tighter, whimpering slightly at the aching of his body from earlier defiance; memories of days long since past – brighter, _happier_ days – and he fought the urge to run back to it, knowing he would never make it.

i still recall the taste of your tears

echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears

my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore

scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore

It still astounded him that he had been so stupid. Power was what he had hungered for; power to kill his brother and avenge a family that had never really looked at him appreciatively. In the beginning, it hadn't been his desire to seek revenge; he had been content to go about his life as best he could. The role of an avenger had been balanced on his shoulders and he hadn't been strong enough to resist it.

It had only been a year ago – at the time Orochimaru was to take his body – that he'd found out the truth. Itachi hadn't been the one to murder their family. He had been set up by the very man Sasuke had gone seeking power from. Never before had the raven thought he could reach such a level of stupidity but he'd gone beyond anything he had ever accused _him_ of. Especially after learning that all the power he ever could've wanted or needed could have been found within the one person he had always pushed away; the one person who stayed no matter how hard he pushed.

you make this all go away

you make this all go away

i'm down to just one thing

and i'm starting to scare myself

you make this all go away

you make this all go away

i just want something

i just want something i can never have

Not only had he left behind the kind of power he'd always – uselessly – yearned for, he had crushed the one person who had ever meant anything to him. Of course, the realization of what the boy meant to him didn't hit him until he'd spent months without seeing his bright smile. Naruto had always been the one thing he could count on. The blonde didn't dote on him because he was an Uchiha – the last loyal one, as they'd been lead to believe – and he didn't care that he was the top rookie of their genin class. He didn't simper and coo over him like the fangirls did.

No Naruto would growl at him, insult him, and badger him until he was ready to rip his silky black locks from his head by the roots. They'd rile one another up to the point of insanity and spar viciously, trading blow for blow, and in the end, they'd collapse next to one another and the blonde would cast him this warm, gentle smile that said all the gratitude he felt.

you always were the one to show me how

back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now

this thing is slowly taking me apart

grey would be the color if i had a heart

come on tell me

While it was true that he had gained more power than he'd originally possessed, he knew he didn't match Naruto. He knew, deep down, that he could never hope to rise to the blonde's level of power. Not because his teammate was jailor to the Kyuubi but because Naruto had a willingness, an almost desperate determination to achieve his dreams. Everyone had always thought the jinchuuriki was crazy for going around and boasting about how he'd be Hokage someday.

Naruto's smiling face now looked out over Konoha from the Hokage Monument as the Rokudaime.

you make this all go away

you make this all go away

i'm down to just one thing

and i'm starting to scare myself

you make this all go away

you make this all go away

i just want something

i just want something i can never have

As sleep started sinking its claws back into his mind, Sasuke couldn't help the tears that filled his eyes. Naruto had gone through such a horrible life compared to his own and the raven knew he'd contributed to the boy's anguish. Over two years ago he'd realized how easily Orochimaru had broken him. The snake purposefully fed him tidbits about the goings on in Konoha, specifically any that concerned the blonde shinobi, and it hadn't taken nearly as long as he'd thought it would to work him over. Hearing that Naruto had finally achieved his dream made him wither inside; not only because he had yet to really accomplish anything but because he hadn't been there for his best friend on the most special occasion of his life.

in this place it seems like such a shame

though it all looks different now,

i know it's still the same

everywhere i look you're all i see

just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be

come on tell me

His only consolation in everything was that Orochimaru had broken him more than the snake had wanted to, making it impossible for him to take over his body as originally planned. In fact, the sannin had simply taken the body of some random Oto nin so he could wait for Sasuke's. He knew that there was no chance for him to escape. After realizing just what Naruto meant to him – and how much he loved him – he had tried to flee Orochimaru's hand and had been beaten within an inch of his life for it. He had also been confined to the dungeon that was now where he lay.

you make this all go away

you make this all go away

i'm down to just one thing

and i'm starting to scare myself

you make this all go away

you make it all go away

i just want something

i just want something i can never have

i just want something i can never have

As he drifted into the realm of dreams, he heard a cacophony of noise from above him and felt an explosion rock the foundation of Oto tower. He paid it all little mind, knowing well how many enemies the snake had, and let his mind and body slip into sleep. After the first few times of such attacks, he'd given up on the hope that Naruto hadn't given up on him and so he no longer stayed awake or paid any attention to sounds in the building. His body was weak and worn, bloody and beaten and sleep sounded far too sweet to ignore. He needed all the rest he could get just to live through the tortures wrought on him come daylight. Knowing this he slid gratefully into sleeps waiting arms, only vaguely aware of the door to his cell being blown open.

Before darkness claimed him completely, a familiar scent, welcomed warmth , strong arms and a long missed voice wrapped around him,

"_I've got you Sasuke-teme. You're safe now."_

He sighed peacefully and – for the first time in years – slept soundly, knowing he was finally home. Naruto had come for him.


End file.
